we're half awake

the smell of coffee wafting in from the kitchen and the kids building a train track village in their bedrooms. my mind is still stuck in that just emerged from a dream state, and i know that a part of me would like to throw these blankets back over me. (would i find you in my dreams if i tried?)

but there are things to do, and songs to sing and places to be. but maybe, for just a stolen moment, i would rather pretend it is still dark outside, that the stars will still shining, and that it still made sense to say good night.

"turn the light out say goodnight
no thinking for a little while
lets not try to figure out everything at once
it’s hard to keep track of you falling through the sky."

fake empire ~ the national

all i ever really wanted to say was thank you

not what i expected at all, this movie. i loved it.

in the land of women

little by little you're gonna hear me cry

keep art alive; art by julie hill

"i wanna build

buildings high for you

but the costs

like other costs

i can't afford you

i always take the wrong way

this is why this love can stay

and i want to change

change the way we always have

and to make different plans

and try not to make this sad

but i always screw it up some way

this is why this love can stay."

very loud ~ the shout out louds

contemplating places to go

"there is a time for departure

even when there's no certain place to go."

tennesse williams

sleigh rides in stars hollow and bjork snow women

i love them. so much.
all of them.
all of stars hollow.

i want to make a bjork snow woman, and take a sleigh ride.

guilty pleasure christmas song...

you know you have one, too.
what is it?

my senior year. december. my mom and i took a trip to hawaii, the one and only trip we ever took together, as in just the two of us. she still makes fun of me from that trip, how i was always dodging the sun, ever trying to protect my pale gothy glow.

i know she really enjoyed the trip or she would not keep teasing me about it; trust me, that’s how my family is.

we rented this piece of crap car that was rusting from the bottom up. it was the only thing we could afford. and, because of the sight of it, all the locals thought we were local, too. one morning we woke up and decided we would try to drive all the way around the island of oahu. of course, they don’t let you go all the way round, but we did get pretty far.

we drove through this particular piece of road that looked out over the ocean, and this song came on. we both sang our hearts out, and for whatever silly reason, it is the one thing i most vividly remember of that trip. me and my mom singing at the top of our lungs to george michael and andrew ridgeley.

last christmas ~ wham!

if you want it

my mother used to have this box of 45’s she kept tucked underneath our dinosaur-size stereo system. she rarely played them, always claimed to prefer her albums, complained about having to set that little clip into the middle circle, that it took too much time. i know the real reason was because that box of 45’s were a wedding present to her and my dad, and she did not like to remember a time when it was joanie and jim anymore.

but, i loved them. and this, this song, was my very favorite.

“a very merry christmas

and a happy new year

let’s hope it’s a good one

without any fear.”

happy xmas (war is over) ~ john lennon

then call it a day

i was thinking i could clean up for christmas
and then, baby, i'm through
four more weeks that couldn't make any difference
except maybe to you

i was thinking i could clean up for christmas (live) ~ aimee mann

it's crazy what you could've had

this flower is scorched
this film is on
on a maddening loop
these clothes
these clothes don't fit us right
i'm to blame
it's all the same
it's all the same

you come to me with the phone in your hand
you come to me with your hair curled tight
you come to me with positions
you come to me with excuses
decked out out in a robe
you wear me out
you wear me out

we've been through fake-a-breakdown
self hurt
plastics, collections
self help, self pain,
est, psychics, fuck all
i was central
i had control
i lost my head
i need this
i need this
a paper weight, junk garage
winter rain, a honey pot
crazy, all the lovers have been tagged
a hotline, a wanted add

it's crazy what you could've had
it's crazy what you could've had
it's crazy what you could've had
i need
i need this
it's crazy what you could've had
it's crazy what you could've had
i need
i need this
its crazy what you could've had
it's crazy what you could've had
i need
i, i need this
it's crazy what you could've had
i need this
it's crazy what you could've had
it's crazy what you could've had
i need this
i, i need this
it's crazy what you could've had
it's crazy what you could've had

country feedback (live) ~ r.e.m.

may your days be merry and bright

“i’m dreaming of a white christmas

just like the ones i used to know

where the tree tops glisten,

and children listen

to hear sleigh bells in the snow.”

still sick, but trying for some holiday spirit.
maria taylor’s voice is so much ethereal beauty.

white christmas ~ bright eyes