cause you have seen some unbelievable things

keep art alive; art by audrey kawasaki

used to be the two of us spent more of our time
on the other side of the 101 freeway

then we did tucked between bedsheets inside growing-up walls

or behind the expectations of a text book stare

a phone booth on gower

best pizza on earth discovered smack in the middle of forsaken tourist's sunset

train tunnel sunrise serenades

and innocence lost in the backseat

parallel parked on the far side of willoughby

our pulse was quicker

fed upside down and turned topsy

from all those cocktail fed chemicals

slid through and up under our collective skins

yet we always wore that tint of addiction

with a fuck you if you can't understand glow

sidled up right next to a screamed

i dance circles round stick figure magazine girls

punk stained threads sewn well

into donate at the door fabrics

stolen shoes paired with dance tights

and candy coloured cigarettes

we were a post modern late night breakfast at tiffany's

shoved up hard against an alley wall

nancy spungen after a bath

or edie sedgwick gifted with curves

in place of needle marks

we saw the beauty ever after stuck in-between

the lining in the pavement cracks

beggars sat betwixt two sidewalk stars

as we skipped between them with silver plated coins thrown high in the air

ever trying to spot the one we might take as our own

when we go back there to peer out of water spot lenses

nicked from an all-night gas station attendant

he smirks as you ask him where he hails from

and if he has a script tucked just behind that counter

our lives are still pinned up just somewhere over the horizon

we used to see ourselves as fallen angels

with those count past thirty days before expirations

how will the stories play out to our (re)new out of focus perspective

do we choose to hide the hell-a recollections

polish up the reality and narrow the click click camera here we go smile denial

or do we just lose ourselves in the boys who cling to the mic

let them dirty up the images that we grab with held hands and jump through

see you tonight, baby

we will kiss lipstick imprints on the back of our ticket stubs

drop them deep in the wish you were here well

close your eyes tight and jump

the music will catch us

(written by me)

cross-bone style ~ cat power

i've been waiting so long

keep art alive; art by audrey kawasaki

missive swirl
(1.24.03)

spread it out, spread it thin,
here it is.
this broken down heart,
this pleading sense of peace.
i want to drive circles around the how and why,
becoming the things of dreams,
or at least something more, something cascading.

i want to rip this mask off the face in the mirror,
even if it rips my skin clean off, leaving drops of who i was in the sink,
drizzle, dripping, dry.
i want to stand in front of the world and admit everything,
and nothing.
that i was wrong with all of it,
and saw the warning signs along the road.

(they were right)

but here i am twisting and turning through this big fade,
my beloved crumbling eternal mess.
i want to sweep it all up in a brown paper box,
tissue paper, penny for luck, tuck it inside.
i want to fasten it to the underside of a demon, attach it to an angel wing,
whoever is the highest bidder,
or the losing straw.

which are you?

i'm this precious doubt, yes,
and i'm this burning sense of wish and must.
i want to lose all of it, some of it, none of it,

stand across the sea and dive as deep as i can, sink, sigh.

cloud my eyes with water,

read the contents of all i already know.

we're losing you, young lady.

speak up. say it again,

i can hear them already.

they spell it out to you.

my kaleidoscope baby,

your razorback girl,

you enter and exit the motions in me, emotions.

leaving marks made with crayon.

on the interior of my eyes, my soul,

you read me.

i want to paint secrets on your toenails,

draw a map to a greasy spoon diner on your back, with pixie stick sugar.

let's climb to the top of the hello kitty factory,

search for our twin star, our scented life eraser.

scream mistakes and memories, lyrics to songs stuck in our head,

or just i love you's.

now.

(written by me)

undecided ~ the magic numbers