it's damned if you don't & it's damned if you do

metal heart ~ cat power

"losing the star without a sky
losing the reasons why
you're losing the calling that you've been faking
and i'm not kidding

it's damned if you don't and it's damned if you do
be true 'cause they'll lock you up in a sad sad zoo
oh hidy hidy hidy what cha tryin to prove
by hidy hidy hiding you're not worth a thing

sew your fortunes on a string
and hold them up to light
blue smoke will take
a very violent flight
and you will be changed
and everything
and you will be in a very sad sad zoo.

i once was lost but now i'm found
was blind
but now i see you
how selfish of you to believe in the meaning of all the bad dreaming

metal heart you're not hiding
metal heart you're not worth a thing
metal heart you're not hiding
metal heart you're not worth a thing"

full lyrics tonight because i love each and every word. feeling blue tonight and chan's voice just weaves into the sadness and emotes along with me. too many days passing lately with this cloud cover so close to my skin. and i love the rain, i love myself a cloudy day, but this is not from the sky. just the sadness passing through with a song as release.

and all the lights that lead us there are blinding

keep art alive; art by hedi slimane

"i don't believe that anybody,
feels the way i do,
about you now."

wonderwall (live) ~ ryan adams
wonderwall (live in atlanta, video) ~ ryan adams
wonderwall (live) ~ cat power
wonderwall (elements of noise remix) ~ cat power

this was meant to be saturday's song of the day, but glancing at the clock i see it is after midnight, sunday. though sundays are my favorite days, my little bit of magic in a week; and i feel full of magic tonight. this song, it resonates in me, on so many levels, and in so many spoken (and unspoken) ways.

i am not much for oasis, i never have been, but this song just slays me. i suppose it is the gifts of the covers of this song that made me fall for it - my favorites are up there - ryan (of course), who made me pause and realize that this song is fucking incredible. the video, caught live in atlanta, is amazing - even with the crowd singing along (perhaps that joining in makes it even more amazing).

and chan marshall (cat power) who has this way of taking any song, twisting it up and turning it around, and making it her own - lush and luscious, gorgeous. and the remix of it is quite keen, i must say.

the records that we used to share

she's got you (live) ~ cat power

& the video

"i've got your memory,

or has it got me?
i really don't know,
but i know it won't let me be."

for the later parade

"once i wanted to be the greatest,
no wind or waterfall could stall me,
and then came the rush of the flood,
the stars at night turned deep to dust.

melt me down,
into big black armour;
leave no trace,
of grace,
just in your honor."

and it came fast, a sudden shock, as if a winter cold had passed deep within my bones. and i knew before a phone rang, or anything was spoken, or explained. all of it, every moment, was the scariest and yet the most impactful of feelings. words do not suffice, and i will never be the same. thank you.

can you tell me who you were singin' to?

keep art alive; art by tara mcpherson

and, i'm quite sure that if i had my way you would be here with me right now. but. i am also quite sure that there are some things in life that just do not come that way, no matter how much we want them.

and, i'll say it again and again, that love should never be impossible. but, that said, we feel so impossible lately.

so, for now i will just turn the music up. i will pretend that i understand what this is, and what this isn't.

but, if you can help explain this to me, please do. because lately i feel so lost and far away, and i do not want you to become just something i write heartbreaking prose about for years to come.

song to bobby ~ cat power

(song from the upcoming cat power album jukebox)

cause you have seen some unbelievable things

keep art alive; art by audrey kawasaki

used to be the two of us spent more of our time
on the other side of the 101 freeway

then we did tucked between bedsheets inside growing-up walls

or behind the expectations of a text book stare

a phone booth on gower

best pizza on earth discovered smack in the middle of forsaken tourist's sunset

train tunnel sunrise serenades

and innocence lost in the backseat

parallel parked on the far side of willoughby

our pulse was quicker

fed upside down and turned topsy

from all those cocktail fed chemicals

slid through and up under our collective skins

yet we always wore that tint of addiction

with a fuck you if you can't understand glow

sidled up right next to a screamed

i dance circles round stick figure magazine girls

punk stained threads sewn well

into donate at the door fabrics

stolen shoes paired with dance tights

and candy coloured cigarettes

we were a post modern late night breakfast at tiffany's

shoved up hard against an alley wall

nancy spungen after a bath

or edie sedgwick gifted with curves

in place of needle marks

we saw the beauty ever after stuck in-between

the lining in the pavement cracks

beggars sat betwixt two sidewalk stars

as we skipped between them with silver plated coins thrown high in the air

ever trying to spot the one we might take as our own

when we go back there to peer out of water spot lenses

nicked from an all-night gas station attendant

he smirks as you ask him where he hails from

and if he has a script tucked just behind that counter

our lives are still pinned up just somewhere over the horizon

we used to see ourselves as fallen angels

with those count past thirty days before expirations

how will the stories play out to our (re)new out of focus perspective

do we choose to hide the hell-a recollections

polish up the reality and narrow the click click camera here we go smile denial

or do we just lose ourselves in the boys who cling to the mic

let them dirty up the images that we grab with held hands and jump through

see you tonight, baby

we will kiss lipstick imprints on the back of our ticket stubs

drop them deep in the wish you were here well

close your eyes tight and jump

the music will catch us

(written by me)

cross-bone style ~ cat power