i'll sing along

falling slowly (live on david letterman, video) ~ glen hansard & marketa irglova
falling slowly ~ glen hansard & marketa irglova

"i don't know you,
but i want you,
all the more for that.
words fall through me,
and always fool me,
and i can't react.
and games that never amount,
to more than they're meant,
will play themselves out.

take this sinking boat and point it home,
we've still got time.
raise your hopeful voice,
you have a choice,
you've made it now.

falling slowly,
eyes that know me,
and I can't go back.
moods that take me,
and erase me,
and i'm painted black.
you have suffered enough,
and warred with yourself,
it's time that you won.

take this sinking boat and point it home,
we've still got time.
raise your hopeful voice,
you had a choice,
you've made it now.

take this sinking boat and point it home,
we've still got time.
raise your hopeful voice,
you had a choice,
you've made it now.

falling slowly,
sing your melody,
i'll sing along."

and all the lights that lead us there are blinding

keep art alive; art by hedi slimane

"i don't believe that anybody,
feels the way i do,
about you now."

wonderwall (live) ~ ryan adams
wonderwall (live in atlanta, video) ~ ryan adams
wonderwall (live) ~ cat power
wonderwall (elements of noise remix) ~ cat power

this was meant to be saturday's song of the day, but glancing at the clock i see it is after midnight, sunday. though sundays are my favorite days, my little bit of magic in a week; and i feel full of magic tonight. this song, it resonates in me, on so many levels, and in so many spoken (and unspoken) ways.

i am not much for oasis, i never have been, but this song just slays me. i suppose it is the gifts of the covers of this song that made me fall for it - my favorites are up there - ryan (of course), who made me pause and realize that this song is fucking incredible. the video, caught live in atlanta, is amazing - even with the crowd singing along (perhaps that joining in makes it even more amazing).

and chan marshall (cat power) who has this way of taking any song, twisting it up and turning it around, and making it her own - lush and luscious, gorgeous. and the remix of it is quite keen, i must say.

this is how it works

"this is how it works,
you're young until you're not,
you love until you don't,
you try until you can't,
you laugh until you cry,
you cry until you laugh,
and everyone must breathe,
until their dying breath.

no, this is how it works,
You peer inside yourself,
you take the things you like,
and try to love the things you took,
and then you take that love you made,
and stick it into some someone else's heart,
pumping someone else's blood,
and walking arm in arm,
you hope it don't get harmed.

but even if it does,
you'll just do it all again.

and on the radio,
you hear november rain,
that solo's awful long,
but it's a good refrain,
you listen to it twice,
'cause the dj is asleep."

i think i've posted this song before, but some days i re-discover lyrics, take them in and they are re-defined. this song is today, tonight really. i played in the park tonight with the kids, got caught in the sprinklers, and got so wet we had to ring out our clothes. it was in that moment - when the choice was to get upset to have gotten wet, or to laugh and find the bliss in it at all that a lightbulb went on. you know those kinds of moments - the ones where you realize what it is you need in this life, and what matters to you in another person.

it is not something i would call a deal-breaker, but it is something i take notice of, and in a way it is something so important to me. people who can dance in the rain, who can get drenched and laugh about it, who can find the bliss in the mundane, in the accidental, in the could be catastrophe. and i like people who like getting wet.

that might sound silly, or it might sound dirty actually, but i know how i mean it and what it means to me.

singing eyes and fingers

song of the siren ~ this mortal coil

"on the floating, shapeless oceans,
i did all my best to smile,
'til your singing eyes and fingers,
drew me loving into your eyes.

and you sang 'sail to me, sail to me;
let me enfold you.'

here i am,
here i am waiting to hold you.
did i dream you dreamed about me?
were you here when i was full sail?

now my foolish boat is leaning,
broken love lost on your rocks.

for you sang,

'touch me not, touch me not, come back tomorrow.'

oh my heart,
oh my heart shies from the sorrow.
i'm as puzzled as a newborn child.
i'm as riddled as the tide.

should i stand amid the breakers?
or shall i lie with death my bride?

hear me sing: 'swim to me, swim to me, let me enfold you.'
'here i am.
here i am,
waiting to hold you.'"

the geography of it all

keep art alive; art found at ffffound!

spiders ~ say hi (to your mom)

"and i haven’t asked for much since i met her,
some courage and maybe some heart.
but jupiter, please, will you raise your fists and mend all that keeps us apart?

there’s the thing with her father,
the thing with me broken,
her new jealous ex and the press.

and each of them not much worse than the other,
but still pretty bad nonetheless.

because there are spiders,
under my skin when she’s not next to me."

thank you, musicisart, for a new musical introduction. lyrics that creep, just below the surface of my skin, and become the pieces of stories i might someday write. truths that were most likely not intended by the writer, but still they persist. it may be terribly self-indulgent, but when i enjoy things i cannot help but devour them, turn them on their sides (or sometimes inside out and upside down), and make them my own.

paper dreams, honey

"but uh oh, i love her because she moves in her own way;
but uh oh, she came to my show just to hear about my day.
but uh oh, i love her because she moves in her own way;
but uh oh, she came to my show just to hear about my day."

oh my stars, these boys are so infectious and adorable. i want to carry them around in my pocket and have them sing to me when i'm blue. because truly it is impossible to not smile while listening to this song; not just smile, but skip and dance a little jig down the summer sidewalks. it makes me want to be hopeful, to think that tomorrow will be better. skirts that spin and brightly colored halter tops, pig tails and red lipstick, dancing around and laughing.

this is such a summer song to me, probably why i included it here - my soundtrack this july.

all the stars explode tonight

"oceans of angels,
oceans of stars;
down by the sea,
is where you drown your scars."

happy birthday, courtney.

thank you for the music and for your spirit. thank you for the hope of I, and for one of my favorite los angeles songs.

what exactly do you do for an encore?

"you are hardcore,
you make me hard.
you name the drama and i'll play the part.
it seems i saw you in some teenage wet dream.
i like your get up if you know what i mean.

i want it bad.
i want it now.
oh can't you see i'm ready now.

i've seen all the pictures,
i've studied them forever.
i wanna make a movie so let's star in it together.
don't make a move 'til i say, "action."

oh, here comes the hardcore life.

put your money where your mouth is tonight.
leave your make-up on & I'll leave on the light.
come over here babe & talk in the mic.
oh yeah i hear you now.
it's gonna be one hell of a night.

you can't be a spectator.
oh no.
you got to take these dreams & make them whole.

oh this is hardcore - there is no way back for you.
oh this is hardcore -this is me on top of you
& i can't believe that it took me this long.
that it took me this long.

this is the eye of the storm.
it's what men in stained raincoats pay for,
but in here it is pure.
yeah.

this is the end of the line.
i've seen the storyline played out so many times before.
oh that goes in there.
then that goes in there.
then that goes in there.
then that goes in there.
& then it's over.

oh, what a hell of a show.
but what i want to know:
what exactly do you do for an encore?

'cos this is hardcore."

today's the fourth of july

fourth of july ~ aimee mann

"today's the fourth of july,
another june has gone by,
and when they light up our our town i just think,
what a waste of gun powder,
and sky.

i'm certain that i am alone,
in harbouring thoughts of our home;
it's one of my faults that i can't quell my past,
i ought to have gotten it gone.

oh baby, i wonder if when you are older,
someday,
you'll wake up and say,
my god,
i should have told her;
what would it take?

but now here i am and the world's gotten colder,
and she's got the river down which i sold her.

so that's today's memory lane,
with all the pathos and pain;
another chapter in a book where the chapters are endless,
and they're always the same;
a verse,
then a verse,
and refrain.

oh baby, i wonder if when you are older,
someday,
you'll wake up and say,
my god,
i should have told her;
what would it take?

but now here i am and the world's gotten colder,
and she's got the river down which i sold her."

somebody told him he's good for nothing

murray (live, with atlantic city cover) ~ pete yorn

"and we both know,
that people change,
when truth’s not part of their lives;
i’ve seen the love in their eyes,
don’t say goodbye,
goodbye."

the saddest thing i have ever seen is defeated eyes. the most tragic words i have ever heard are "what if". there is nothing left but regret when you give up a dream without ever giving it a chance. if nothing else, i hope i teach my children that. take a deep breath, hold your head high, swallow your fear, and try. and remember, that failing and falling on one's backside does not have to mean you have given up.

i am reminded of ally sheedy's quote from the breakfast club, when she says "when you grow up your heart dies." perhaps i just refuse to completely grow up, or maybe i just refuse to let my heart die. my dreams, they may be fuzzy and full of obstacles, and some days i wake up with so much disillusionment that i feel they will never be, but i try - fucking hell i try - to keep a hold of my heart, my dreams, my wishes, and all those pieces of who that makes me.

and it bruised me with light

well whiskey ~ bright eyes

i get my whiskey from a well
except on holidays when it's the top shelf
but tonight i don't mind if i spend a little more
'cause you're a tolerant woman and the world is at war

i know you witnessed my decline
you used to push back the darkness like a flood light
but tonight that's a secret like the soul of a whore
but if you want to have fun you'll just have to ignore

now i let my troubles solve themselves
i used to get involved but i'm just no help
but tonight let's pretend that we're just like we were
let me stay 'til the morning i will sleep on the floor

and we can talk in circles no dollar figures
just what is owed or paid
and we can make predictions i know you see the future
and i agree
and we agree
tonight's not happening

when i got dry as a desert i got mean
i was as lonely and empty as a canteen
with no anesthetic you're bound to be sore
but tonight i am drinkin' all peaceful and warm

and just when i got fed up with that grey sky
the sun came out of no where like a bar fight
and it knocked out the wind and it bruised me with light
and i felt grateful for living just like i feel tonight

but i know you feel safer in a group
where you could be anyone or they could be you
but tonight we'll take risks that you can afford
you still have bars on your windows and a hole in your door

we can talk in circles around a dirty mirror
night trickles down our throats
and we can make the timeline to last our whole lives
we don't know
but no one knows
what's further up the road

just wait and see
just wait and see
all in time
all in time

but they smiled just the same

we spotted the ocean
at the head of the trail
where are we goin'
so far away

and somebody told me
that this is the place
where everything's better
and everything's safe

walk on the ocean
step on the stones
flesh becomes water
wood becomes bone

half an hour later
we packed up our things
we said we'd send letters
and all of those little things

and they knew we were lyin'
but they smiled just the same
it seemed they'd already
forgotten we came

walk on the ocean
step on the stones
flesh becomes water
wood becomes bone

walk on the ocean
step on the stones
flesh becomes water
wood becomes bone

back at the homestead
where the air makes you choke
and people don't know you
and trust is a joke

we don't even have pictures
just memories to hold
cause sweeten each season
we slowly grow old

oh sailor why'd you do it?

"i'm undecided about you again,
mightn't be right that you're not here;
it's double sided 'cause i ruined it all,
but also saved myself,
by never believing you dear."

today i woke up with an unfamiliar sense of peace falling around me. it felt as something akin to a aura-laced blanket wrapping around my shoulders, soothing my sad and recently weary heart. i took a deep breath and let the blanket fall, looked into the mirror and squinted to see a glimpse of hope that this month just may be what i need to shed this oppressive case of the blues.

i think i am deciding to let things go that are not working, and to re-embrace the things i love that i've let go of along the way (especially over the last month). i am done with limbo and waiting, as it seems to have been a somewhat self-inflicted state of mind that i've gotten myself into, time and time again. instead i want forward movement and more personal fulfillment, all that dreams/wishes realized kind of thing.

i am throwing my last held out hopes on things and people who only continue to hurt me into the sea. they can be sailors and pirates and captains of their own ships, but my ocean needs to be filled with other things for now. suppose it could be part of my personal breakdown, or part of the recovery (and shedding) of said breakdown; or this could be all part and parcel to just wanting to start over.

i know i want to be happy, and i know that we make choices everyday that define what happy is for ourselves. so, happy july 1st, i am reclaiming this as the start of my summer of turning this damn mood around.

we got california drowning out the window side

"got no place to go,
but there's a girl waiting for me down in mexico.
she's got a bottle of tequila,
a bottle of gin,
and if i bring a little music i can fit right in."

there are wishes, and there are dreams, and there are songs that make things seem possible even when deep down you know they are probably never going to come to be. there are beaches and laughter, discarded straw hats and bare feet, and music; always music. it is a celebration, someone has just gotten married, and we have wandered off down the beach where there are less crowds, less camera flashes, less family that we do not even remember inviting. a circle of friends, so to speak, but we are more of a family then any we've been born into. the sun goes down and the music keeps playing.

i have had the same dream, with slight variations, for so many years that it has become as a bedtime story to my subconscious.

polka dots fill my eyes

"what you gonna do katie?
you're a sweet, sweet girl,
but it's a cruel, cruel world,
a cruel, cruel world."

happy birthday, kate. and a very happy first day in the next new year of your life. paint brushes and magic wands, pixie dust and healing potions, and all the hope in the universe i wish to you. i hope this is your best year yet. you can make this year anything you want it to be. i believe in you, always always always.

i love you always.

she looked in his eyes to lose herself

"what do you feel
when you're with me?
i look in your eyes and see myself."

early this morning i was sitting at my desk at work with coffee in hand and my itunes loading up to start my day's random soundtrack. the office manager walked by and had this look on her face that i've seen so often lately on so many people i know: defeated and sad. i see this in the mirror when i look at myself, too. we spoke on this year, the hurt that seems to be everywhere we turn, and the overall mood it seems to paint on everything, and how we see ourselves in each other, and how we reflect back what we see. where does it start, and how do you change a feeling that has grown so heavy and hope-deficient that it feels as if we are all sinking into the depths of some dark sea.

is it love? is it hope? is it change? is it allowing someone else to actually see us, flaws and all, and trust that they will not let go? and how do we not lose ourselves in any of that? in the sorrow, and in the love?

just something i've been contemplating, and some lush (who i have re-fallen in love with this week), to go along with it.

i sent a bottle of whiskey

"and i was waiting over here for life to begin,
i was looking for the new thing,
and you were the sunshine heading my front line;
i was alone,
you were just around the corner from me."

i had one of those moments this morning, one of my favorite kinds of moments, where the music flowed and connected so perfectly with everything around me. i am quite keen on playing music loudly while driving, singing along, and taking in the scenery with the musical accompaniment going along with me - a car concert, a friend once called it. i've been struggling so much with my mood and the whole state of my emotions that sometimes, just a small moment when music and morning meet, helps me breathe a little better.

the records that we used to share

she's got you (live) ~ cat power

& the video

"i've got your memory,

or has it got me?
i really don't know,
but i know it won't let me be."

pick a star on the dark horizon

"let your memories grow stronger and stronger,
'til they're before your eyes;
you'll come back,
when it's over,
no need to say good bye."

stumbled onto this song quite by accident and was overwhelmed with emotion. regina is a favorite of mine, and this song, from the film prince caspian, is just amazing.

watch out for those foreign girls

all you need is love: the final a mix

anything but love ~ the libertines

"watch out for those foreign girls,
mistake my plastic beads for pearls."

answering bell (live) ~ ryan adams and adam duritz

"all's i want is your fortress of tears to crumble,
and oh girl, i'd tear 'em down myself,
and oh girl, the story's they could tell,

but i'm just sayin' hi to your answering bell."

acting like a fool ~ matt costa

"you know i try,
and still i play the fool."

the air near my fingers ~ the white stripes

"don't you remember you told me in december that a boy is not a man until he makes a stand,
well i'm not a genius but maybe you'll remember this:
i never said i wanted to be a man."

alala ~ css

"ah la la, ah la la,
gimme three wishes."

all alone ~ gorillaz

"close your eyes and see,
when there ain't no light,
all you'll ever be.
come and save the night,
coz i don't leave,
when the morning comes it doesn't,
seem to say an awful lot to me...
all alone."

advisory committee (shok remix) ~ mirah

"the mist came down the ground was wet,
i talked with you inside my head,
the way i have forgotten back,
quickly prepare it's an attack."

anarchy in the u.k. ~ the sex pistols

"how many ways to get what you want?"

all in my mind ~ love and rockets

"if you give me an hour,i'll show you how you feel."

age of consent ~ new order

"won't you please let me go?
these words lie inside they hurt me so."

ashes to ashes ~ david bowie

"i'm happy, hope youre happy, too."

alice ~ sisters of mercy

"to promise her a definition,
tell her where the rain will fall,
tell her where the sun shines bright,
and tell her she can have it all."

the arc of time (time code) ~ bright eyes

"you can make a plan,
carve it into stone,
like a feather falling,
it is still unknown;
until the clock speaks up,
says it's time to go,
you could choose the high,
or the lower road.
you might clench your fist,
you might fork your tongue,
as you curse or praise,
all the things you've done.
and the faders move,
and the music dies,
as we pass over,
on the arc of time."

a-punk ~ vampire weekend

"half of the ring lies here with me,
but the other half’s at the bottom of the sea."

absolutely nothing ~ lily allen

"my heart is aching and i've never felt this bad,
i pinch myself to check that all of this is real.
keep thinking i'm not letting on, i feel this sad,
and then you've got the cheek to ask me how i feel."

airport taxi reception ~ sondre lerche

"i called you because i love you so."

all i want ~ the lightning seeds

"it makes me want to give you everything,
pick you up and take you home again,
hold you tight and think that now is then,
all i want to do,
all i want to do,
is make you listen from now on."

across the universe ~ the beatles

"words are flying out like endless rain into a paper cup,
they slither while they pass across the universe."

all you need is love ~ dana fuchs and jim sturgess

"it's easy,
all you need is love."

zipped