you know i cherish you, my love

"well the stale chips are up and the hopes stakes are down,
it's these ignorant faces that bring this town down,
and i sighed and sunken with pride,
as i passed myself down on my knees,
yes i passed myself down on my knees.

now tell me what can you want now you've got it all,
the whole scene is obscene,
time will strip it away.
a year and a day.
and bill bones,
bill bones knows what i mean."

she won't let you go

don't look back into the sun ~ the libertines

"when they played that song at the death disco,
it started fast but it ends so slow;
and all the time it reminded me of you."

i am on the cusp of a really bad day at work, starting with an early meeting where i'm sure the client is going to be very unkind. i went to bed stressed, and woke up with my stomach in uncomfortable knots. so, stumbling on the news that they played together last night at london fashion week was just what i needed.

for a moment it made me stop and smile, and hope.

thanks for that boys.

a year and a day

time for heroes (acostic) ~ carlos barât

"did you see the stylish kids in the riot,
we were shovelled up like muck,
then set the night on fire.
wombles bleed truncheons and shields,
you know i cherish you, my love
yeah i cherish you my love."

quick healing and a fast recovery, carl.

pile up everything you never wanted

all at sea (demo) ~ the libertines

"i know i don't know you,
but don't think i don't know you
i saw you going under
i saved one for me
cause i'm all at sea lad

don't know if i'm coming or going
there's no thorn, north star, can't not poison talk
it belongs to me

i only wanna
oh i just wanna
oh i don't want anything
means to the world to me

well i'm all at sea
i don't know if i'm coming or going
there's no hope, no fear,
there's no rent or rears
leave it all to me

if you take it all away
pile up everything you never wanted
ain't it just too bad
never wanted it so bad

now where can i go?
to hear the songs i need
i used to go to your room
and open up a move making me

ah tell me where can i go?
to hear the songs i need
oh you find me in your room
listen to open up

now where can i go?
just to hear the songs i need
you find me in your room
open up for me."

welcome june

breck road lover ~ the libertines

"we walk the streets where she gets her name."

* max turned four this weekend and today we celebrated it at the park. i played in the sand with toys kate brought as part of his gift, and was later gifted myself with flower necklaces and crowns she made that brought back a lovely memory. unfortunately, my pale skin did not take to all that sitting in the sun too well and i am badly burned, and a bit sick feeling from it. but, max had a blast. watching him with multi-colors of frosting on his face, laughing so hard that he nearly fell over, playing with his new trains, and running around with a real sense of glee on his face made me immeasurably happy. my best friend, family and all of our children, so much bliss that brings to me. all in all, it was a beautiful afternoon.

* it is after ten at night and i want a cup of coffee desperately. yeah. sunday night and a desire like that? we all have our self-destructive tendencies, i suppose. tonight i will not partake in it, though, as i have enough struggles lately sleeping at all.

* i hate when i realize that even though i'm almost 40 years old, and have a pretty decent amount of accomplishments i'm proud of, i still end up feeling not good enough so much of the time. i wish i knew a way to believe in myself more, and to hang on to the good things said instead of internalizing so much of the criticisms and negative words. suppose this goes back to something i was musing on a few days ago, at why it is so hard to just be nice, to say kind words, to not cut each other (and ourselves) down so much. is it because we all are walking around this world feeling less than, too? so, we lash out at each other, or at ourselves, just to either feel better, or not so alone in that level of insecurity? i don't know. maybe this comes from spending a significant part of my day with my mother who seems to have mastered the art of criticism, so much so that my brother and i have learned to be self-deprecating and mocking to such a degree we have a hard time speaking aloud genuinely good feelings. or perhaps it is just that i allow myself to take that kind of thing, over and over again. either way, i would honestly rather be nice, and treated that way, too. love how you want to be loved.

* i was listening to one of the alphabet mixes i used to make this morning while cleaning the kitchen. i miss making those, as well as recently missing the music theme posts i used to write. who knows, maybe one of these days they will make a comeback.

* a trip to the temporary library took place yesterday (our main one is being rebuilt). max is starting to take an interest in books, inspired by his starting school, i believe. he is the first child i've ever had who did not embrace reading from the start, so it was especially happy-making for me to see him getting excited about books. he chose three thomas the train books, his current obsession, and even had the children's librarian helping him locate them. reading them with him last night, and learning morea about the thomas plot and back stories, i am realizing that the island of sodor is quite the land of drama. seriously, those trains just look harmless with their google-eyes and smiles, they are really a intricate web of intrigue, rivalry, and struggles. who knew.

* tomorrow is monday, i am so not ready for that reality yet. maybe that is why i want the coffee.

all the songs that say life's worth the worry and the pain

dilly boys ~ the libertines
dilly boys ~ peter doherty
dilly boys (live at the rhythm factory) ~ peter doherty

"she's my moral guide,
but she does nothing at all;
smokes all of my bones and stares at the wall,

maybe she'll pace the room,
howl at the moon."

i've lost my voice, and lost too much sleep this week. i used to not mind my battles with insomnia, often looked at it as opportunity to put more into a day, or at least as a quiet time to write. but lately, it is taking its toll on me. sleep is necessary, and i sometimes miss the dreams i have (had) that help fuel my writing. worry and stress, and moments of self-doubt, are not the best bedtime companions, are they?

so, my wish for today? howls at the moon to sing a fine goodnight, and then long and lazy sleep.

row row row

the good old days ~ the libertines

the good old days (live, video) ~ babyshambles

"daisy chains and school yard games,

& a list of things we said we'd do tomorrow,

a list of things we said we'd do tomorrow.

the arcadian dream has all fallen through,

but the albion sails on course,

so lets man the decks and hoist the rigging,

because the pig mans found the source,

& theres twelve rude boys on the oars."

don't know where, don't know when

we'll meet again ~ peter doherty & carlos barat

"but i know we'll meet again,

some sunny day."

hearing an album i've heard near a million times on the radio in its entirety probably should not make me so emotional, but then again it was up the bracket, and then this song at the end.

i am not sure what my life would be if i'd never heard it, not sure i want to know.

but she wont let you go

"but, when they played that song at the death disco,

it started fast,

but it ends so slow,

and all the time it just reminded me of you."

don't look back into the sun ~ the libertines

did you see the stylish kids in the riot?

somehow this seems appropriate for new year's eve. something about the sentiment of it all, a time for heroes, and a feeling of the passage of time. this song is an ode to friendship and connections, and to the trappings of youth, all interwoven with literary and otherworldly references. it is more than what is on the surface, and i am pretty sure that is part of what i found so appealing about the libertines when i first stumbled upon them.

there have been two bands that i would say changed my life. bands that had that enormous impact on me that i could not shake, ignore, or forget. for christmas david bought me the best of the libertines. and, though i know the band did not choose the songs selected, and even though i know there are ones i wish were among the wreckage, i still sort of love it.

once upon a time they were magic, and i'm ever grateful for the music; thanks, boys.

time for heroes ~ the libertines