some kind of miracle

"they're *barely* breathing. this will break them. none of them deserves that. and this, this is the big one, so you pay attention. do you know what kind of miracle it is that derek is who he is? do you know how rare it is that someone like him even exists? he's an optimist. he still believes in true love and soulmates. he's waiting for you. and if you don't come back from this, you will change who he is." denny duquette

i have watched very little television this summer, tuning in only to a music show i've become quite taken by, the new los angeles tattoo showand a bit of kevin and olivia's take on the news. i took a break from dramas and series around the time the networks did, taking my own personal version of a summer hiatus. for the most part, the break from television has been good. i find myself reading more, writing more, and self-evaluating more. it has been all part of my attempts to re-focus and simplify my life. so, it was an unexpected occurance for me to find myself watching (and subsequently crying through) a re-run of grey's anatomy last night, but i do not regret it.

sometimes i think we stumble upon things we are supposed to see, that we open up a page of a book, or hear that certain song on shuffle, that speaks to the truths we are struggling to identify. they push our buttons, fill in words for our unspeakable emotions, and help us feel things we may be trying to avoid. synchronicity and fate are what we make of them, but if we pay close enough attention, i do think that the answers we seek - or the confirmations of what burns inside of us - are there for the taking. and, i've always been a believer in the healing powers of a good cry.

life is short, and i wonder if we ever truly consider the affect we have on those we love. that our choices matter, that what we say - and don't say - count, that finding another soul in the world who makes sense to us and who believes in the possibility of love - is rare. if we spend all of our time waiting for that ever elusive something to be perfect - or to make sense - in regards to who we love, are we not risking the chance of never finding out what it is to truly love? and, by simply not taking the risk, do we not change the other person completely, and change ourselves, in our hesitation? is it only at the moment that it is too late that we realize who it is we are really meant to be with?

i know there are always lists of reasons, and justifications, to not grab hold of love when you find it. but are those not just excuses built out of loneliness and fear? in the end will it be worth what you give up in deciding that love is impossible? if you let go, and never go back, what will the extent of the damage truly be? will we lose the opportunity to tell someone we love them? and why should we do without it? why does impossible have to be such an acceptable thing, when we all know deep down that nothing is truly impossible? improbable, maybe. full of obstacles and road blocks, sure. but, isn't love one of the few things worth conquering anything for?