Wednesday, July 16, 2008

singing eyes and fingers

"on the floating, shapeless oceans,
i did all my best to smile,
'til your singing eyes and fingers,
drew me loving into your eyes.

and you sang 'sail to me, sail to me;
let me enfold you.'

here i am,
here i am waiting to hold you.
did i dream you dreamed about me?
were you here when i was full sail?

now my foolish boat is leaning,
broken love lost on your rocks.
for you sang,
'touch me not, touch me not, come back tomorrow.'

oh my heart,
oh my heart shies from the sorrow.
i'm as puzzled as a newborn child.
i'm as riddled as the tide.
should i stand amid the breakers?
or shall i lie with death my bride?

hear me sing: 'swim to me, swim to me, let me enfold you.'
'here i am.
here i am,
waiting to hold you.'"

little things

"those who cannot feel the littleness of great things in themselves are apt to overlook the greatness of little things in others."

the book of tea ~ okakura kakuzo

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

the geography of it all

keep art alive; art found at ffffound!

"and i haven’t asked for much since i met her,
some courage and maybe some heart.
but jupiter, please, will you raise your fists and mend all that keeps us apart?
there’s the thing with her father,
the thing with me broken,
her new jealous ex and the press.
and each of them not much worse than the other,
but still pretty bad nonetheless.
because there are spiders,
under my skin when she’s not next to me."

thank you, musicisart, for a new musical introduction. lyrics that creep, just below the surface of my skin, and become the pieces of stories i might someday write. truths that were most likely not intended by the writer, but still they persist. it may be terribly self-indulgent, but when i enjoy things i cannot help but devour them, turn them on their sides (or sometimes inside out and upside down), and make them my own.

and you kissed me like you meant it

hands down (live) ~ dashboard confessional w/michael stipe

"my hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me,
so won't you kill me?
so i die happy.
my heart is yours to fill or burst,
to break or bury,
or wear as jewelry.
whichever you prefer."

this song reminds me of the past, of july, of unrequited things, of youthful hopes and insecurities. it also reminds me of the book i'm reading, but really, pretty much everything does.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

i get the strangest feeling you belong

warm me up & breathe me: an edward and bella mix

"i cant sleep tonight."

"there is a darkness deep in you,
a frightening magic i cling to."

"every whisper,
of every waking hour,
i'm choosing my confessions."

"i didn't hear you leave,
i wonder how am i still here.
and i don't want to move a thing,
it might change my memory."

creep ~ radiohead

"you're just like an angel,
your skin makes me cry."

"i could possibly be fading,
or have something more to gain;
i could feel myself growing colder,
i could feel myself under your fate."

"and i haven't felt so alive in years."

"here is a plea,
from my heart to you,
obody knows me as well as you do.
you know how hard it is for me,
to shake the disease,
that takes hold of my tongue in situations like these.
understand me."

roads ~ portishead

"regardless of what they say."

"spin me round again,
and rub my eyes;
this can't be happening."

"confusion never stops,
closing walls and ticking clocks;
gonna, come back and take you home,
i could not stop that you now know."

"warm me up,
and breathe me."

"do you cry out in your sleep,
all my failings expose?
get a taste in my mouth,
as desperation takes hold.
is it something so good,
just cant function no more?"

"we might live like never before."

"i am tortured,
ever tortured."

"so, for tonight,
i'll stay here with you."

"if you weren't real i would make you up."

"whenever i'm alone with you,
you make me feel like i am young again."

"i'll follow you into the dark."

dreams gave me away

"if i could dream at all, it would be about you, and i'm not ashamed of it."
twilight ~ edward cullen

Saturday, July 12, 2008

you were in my dream

"i think last night,
you were driving circles around me."

not nearly any sleep at all, and yet when my eyes finally flutter shut, i dream.

Friday, July 11, 2008

paper dreams, honey

"but uh oh, i love her because she moves in her own way;
but uh oh, she came to my show just to hear about my day.
but uh oh, i love her because she moves in her own way;
but uh oh, she came to my show just to hear about my day."

oh my stars, these boys are so infectious and adorable. i want to carry them around in my pocket and have them sing to me when i'm blue. because truly it is impossible to not smile while listening to this song; not just smile, but skip and dance a little jig down the summer sidewalks. it makes me want to be hopeful, to think that tomorrow will be better. skirts that spin and brightly colored halter tops, pig tails and red lipstick, dancing around and laughing.

this is such a summer song to me, probably why i included it here - my soundtrack this july.

Thursday, July 10, 2008


"who wants to see life as it is? it's the three gorgons in one. you look in their faces and turn to stone. or it's pan. you see him and you die--that is, inside you--and have to go on living as a ghost."

long day's journey into night ~ eugene o'neill

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

all the stars explode tonight

"oceans of angels,
oceans of stars;
down by the sea,
is where you drown your scars."

happy birthday, courtney.

thank you for the music and for your spirit. thank you for the hope of I, and for one of my favorite los angeles songs.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

soul mates

keep art alive; art by audrey kawasaki

"“people think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. but a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that’s holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. a true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. but to live with a soul mate forever? nah. too painful. soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank god for it.”

eat, pray, love
~ elizabeth gilbert

Monday, July 7, 2008

my mercury's in retrograde

"i'm sitting in soho,
trying to stay drunk."

addictive, dramatic, cinematic, fantastic. i cannot wait until the album is released. have a listen to the new single by bloc party, mercury, debuted on the zane lowe show today.
i love it.

Sunday, July 6, 2008

what exactly do you do for an encore?

"you are hardcore,
you make me hard.
you name the drama and i'll play the part.
it seems i saw you in some teenage wet dream.
i like your get up if you know what i mean.

i want it bad.
i want it now.
oh can't you see i'm ready now.

i've seen all the pictures,
i've studied them forever.
i wanna make a movie so let's star in it together.
don't make a move 'til i say, "action."

oh, here comes the hardcore life.

put your money where your mouth is tonight.
leave your make-up on & I'll leave on the light.
come over here babe & talk in the mic.
oh yeah i hear you now.
it's gonna be one hell of a night.

you can't be a spectator.
oh no.
you got to take these dreams & make them whole.

oh this is hardcore - there is no way back for you.
oh this is hardcore -this is me on top of you
& i can't believe that it took me this long.
that it took me this long.

this is the eye of the storm.
it's what men in stained raincoats pay for,
but in here it is pure.

this is the end of the line.
i've seen the storyline played out so many times before.
oh that goes in there.
then that goes in there.
then that goes in there.
then that goes in there.
& then it's over.

oh, what a hell of a show.
but what i want to know:
what exactly do you do for an encore?

'cos this is hardcore."

what you want

keep art alive; photograph by fabrizio sciami

"nobody knows what you want except you. and nobody will be as sorry as you if you don’t get it. wanting some other way to live is proof enough of deserving it. having it is hard work, but not having it is sheer hell.”

~ lillian hellman

quote found here.

Saturday, July 5, 2008

looking away

keep art alive; art by joshua petker

“we grew still and stared at each other. it seemed incredibly dangerous to look into each other’s eyes, but we were doing it. for how long can you behold another person? before you have to think of yourself again, like dipping the brush back in for more ink. for a very long time; you didn’t need to get more ink, there was no reason to get anything else, because she was as good as me, she lived on earth like me, she suffered as i did. it was she who looked away and pulled the sheet to her chin.”

no one belongs here more than you ~ miranda july

special thanks to achtung baby for posting this amazing quote

keep art alive: vanilla swingers

the ten questions project: vanilla swingers

*1. what music (or other art form) inspires you when you create your art?

Miles - I'd say this album is informed by a mix of 80s pop (Pet Shop Boys, Talk Talk, The Smiths) and a few key records that make some kind of grand artistic or political statement, like Infected by The The or Don't Stand Me Down by Dexys. Plus there are some unusual song structures and time signatures, like you might find in the music of Blonde Redhead or Radiohead (1997 onwards). Another important influence was the English philosopher, John Gray, whose books I find simultaneously terrifying and empowering.

Anne - Brian Eno, The Fall, David Lynch, JMW Turner, Werner Herzog, Pina Bausch, Bill Viola, Robert Wilson, Seamus Heaney, Robert Wyatt

*2. long distance road trip: what three people do you invite along (fictional or non-fictional, dead or alive)?

Miles - Hope Sandoval, Mama Cass Elliott and my friend Dan, who's a lot of fun and I don't see enough of.

Anne - Brian Eno, Stephen Fry, David Lynch

*3. what is your favorite breakfast cereal?

- Kellogg's Start, the athlete's choice (i.e. loaded with glucose)

Anne - Don’t eat cereal but like fruit and nuts with natural yogurt

*4. what is one thing that is hanging on your bedroom wall?

Miles - a small mirror with a silhouette of a bird on it

Anne - a cobweb

* 5. what smell/scent evokes strong memories for you?

Miles - Sure Pink, a type of deodorant. And tarmac, but best not at the same time.

Anne - Freshly cut grass, reminds me of summer coming, looking out the window in Our Lady’s Grammar School at 14, longing for freedom.

* 6. coffee or tea?

Miles - tea with soya milk

Anne - Depends on my mood, I like a nice coffee at my local Portuguese café but my Mum does the best cup of tea in the world.

* 7. what has been the most impactful compliment, or criticism, you have ever received?

Miles - Any supportive heartfelt comment from someone I don't know.

Anne - In a dance performance once I had a review that said I was 'sturdy', mmmm, went on a crash diet after that!

* 8. three words that describe you?

Miles - considerate, perfectionistic, blessed

Anne - warm, indecisive, capable

* 9. cartoon character crush: who is, or was, yours?

Miles - The comics I read as a kid were all about war - not much love interest there.

Anne - Superman

* 10. the world is ending in ten minutes and you get to listen to one, and only one, song: which song?

Miles - A song by Anne's old band, Florida, called Everything Will Be OK

Anne - It’s All Over Now, Baby Blue – Van Morrison version


vanilla swingers can be seen and heard at the following locations: myspace and vanilla swingers ~ time travel, communication, entertainment

i would like to thank vanilla swingers for re-awakening my vision of an alternate reality/time travel story i've been working on - but had been stuck in writer's block over. thank you for the inspiration, and for such lush and gorgeous music.

and, thank you for participating in keep art alive; the ten questions project

go now go and check out more of their music, catch them live if you can, recommend them to a friend, and buy something if you can. keep art alive and show your support.

Friday, July 4, 2008

on the stairs i smoke a cigarette alone

keep art alive; photograph by little jeans

"what ever happened,
i apologize.
so, dry your tears and baby walk outside,
it's the fourth of july."

my absolute favorite fourth of july song. this song is los angeles to me, it is summer and living on my own for the first time. the memory of climbing on the top of the roof, at that old apartment on truslow avenue, and watching the kids next door shoot off fireworks in the street.

i have written stories with this song playing in my ears. i have written a lyric from this into a poem i wrote. i think i have even imagined john and exene into characters i've created.

i'm not a fan of this day, for a variety of reasons, but i do love this song - and some of my fourth of july memories.

today's the fourth of july

fourth of july ~ aimee mann

"today's the fourth of july,
another june has gone by,
and when they light up our our town i just think,
what a waste of gun powder,
and sky.

i'm certain that i am alone,
in harbouring thoughts of our home;
it's one of my faults that i can't quell my past,
i ought to have gotten it gone.

oh baby, i wonder if when you are older,
you'll wake up and say,
my god,
i should have told her;
what would it take?

but now here i am and the world's gotten colder,
and she's got the river down which i sold her.

so that's today's memory lane,
with all the pathos and pain;
another chapter in a book where the chapters are endless,
and they're always the same;
a verse,
then a verse,
and refrain.

oh baby, i wonder if when you are older,
you'll wake up and say,
my god,
i should have told her;
what would it take?

but now here i am and the world's gotten colder,
and she's got the river down which i sold her."

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

somebody told him he's good for nothing

murray (live, with atlantic city cover) ~ pete yorn

"and we both know,
that people change,
when truth’s not part of their lives;
i’ve seen the love in their eyes,
don’t say goodbye,

the saddest thing i have ever seen is defeated eyes. the most tragic words i have ever heard are "what if". there is nothing left but regret when you give up a dream without ever giving it a chance. if nothing else, i hope i teach my children that. take a deep breath, hold your head high, swallow your fear, and try. and remember, that failing and falling on one's backside does not have to mean you have given up.

i am reminded of ally sheedy's quote from the breakfast club, when she says "when you grow up your heart dies." perhaps i just refuse to completely grow up, or maybe i just refuse to let my heart die. my dreams, they may be fuzzy and full of obstacles, and some days i wake up with so much disillusionment that i feel they will never be, but i try - fucking hell i try - to keep a hold of my heart, my dreams, my wishes, and all those pieces of who that makes me.

keep art alive; art by melanie moore

"i have a theory that every time you make an important choice, the part of you left behind continues the other life you could have had. some people's emanations are very strong, some people create themselves afresh outside of their own body. this is not fancy. if a potter has an idea, she makes it into a pot, and it exists beyond her, beyond its own separate life. she uses a physical substance to display her thoughts. if i use a metaphysical substance to display my thoughts, i might be anywhere at one time, influencing a number of different things, just as the potter and her pottery can exert influence in different places. there's a chance that i'm not here at all, that all the parts of me, running along all the choices i did and didn't make, for a moment brush against each other."

oranges are not the only fruit ~ jeanette winterson

and it bruised me with light

i get my whiskey from a well
except on holidays when it's the top shelf
but tonight i don't mind if i spend a little more
'cause you're a tolerant woman and the world is at war

i know you witnessed my decline
you used to push back the darkness like a flood light
but tonight that's a secret like the soul of a whore
but if you want to have fun you'll just have to ignore

now i let my troubles solve themselves
i used to get involved but i'm just no help
but tonight let's pretend that we're just like we were
let me stay 'til the morning i will sleep on the floor

and we can talk in circles no dollar figures
just what is owed or paid
and we can make predictions i know you see the future
and i agree
and we agree
tonight's not happening

when i got dry as a desert i got mean
i was as lonely and empty as a canteen
with no anesthetic you're bound to be sore
but tonight i am drinkin' all peaceful and warm

and just when i got fed up with that grey sky
the sun came out of no where like a bar fight
and it knocked out the wind and it bruised me with light
and i felt grateful for living just like i feel tonight

but i know you feel safer in a group
where you could be anyone or they could be you
but tonight we'll take risks that you can afford
you still have bars on your windows and a hole in your door

we can talk in circles around a dirty mirror
night trickles down our throats
and we can make the timeline to last our whole lives
we don't know
but no one knows
what's further up the road

just wait and see
just wait and see
all in time
all in time

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

but they smiled just the same

we spotted the ocean
at the head of the trail
where are we goin'
so far away

and somebody told me
that this is the place
where everything's better
and everything's safe

walk on the ocean
step on the stones
flesh becomes water
wood becomes bone

half an hour later
we packed up our things
we said we'd send letters
and all of those little things

and they knew we were lyin'
but they smiled just the same
it seemed they'd already
forgotten we came

walk on the ocean
step on the stones
flesh becomes water
wood becomes bone

walk on the ocean
step on the stones
flesh becomes water
wood becomes bone

back at the homestead
where the air makes you choke
and people don't know you
and trust is a joke

we don't even have pictures
just memories to hold
cause sweeten each season
we slowly grow old


"we have lingered in the chambers of the sea,
by sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown,
till human voices wake us,
and we drown."

the love song of j. alfred prufrock ~ t.s. eliot

oh sailor why'd you do it?

"i'm undecided about you again,
mightn't be right that you're not here;
it's double sided 'cause i ruined it all,
but also saved myself,
by never believing you dear."

today i woke up with an unfamiliar sense of peace falling around me. it felt as something akin to a aura-laced blanket wrapping around my shoulders, soothing my sad and recently weary heart. i took a deep breath and let the blanket fall, looked into the mirror and squinted to see a glimpse of hope that this month just may be what i need to shed this oppressive case of the blues.

i think i am deciding to let things go that are not working, and to re-embrace the things i love that i've let go of along the way (especially over the last month). i am done with limbo and waiting, as it seems to have been a somewhat self-inflicted state of mind that i've gotten myself into, time and time again. instead i want forward movement and more personal fulfillment, all that dreams/wishes realized kind of thing.

i am throwing my last held out hopes on things and people who only continue to hurt me into the sea. they can be sailors and pirates and captains of their own ships, but my ocean needs to be filled with other things for now. suppose it could be part of my personal breakdown, or part of the recovery (and shedding) of said breakdown; or this could be all part and parcel to just wanting to start over.

i know i want to be happy, and i know that we make choices everyday that define what happy is for ourselves. so, happy july 1st, i am reclaiming this as the start of my summer of turning this damn mood around.