i'll sing along

falling slowly (live on david letterman, video) ~ glen hansard & marketa irglova
falling slowly ~ glen hansard & marketa irglova

"i don't know you,
but i want you,
all the more for that.
words fall through me,
and always fool me,
and i can't react.
and games that never amount,
to more than they're meant,
will play themselves out.

take this sinking boat and point it home,
we've still got time.
raise your hopeful voice,
you have a choice,
you've made it now.

falling slowly,
eyes that know me,
and I can't go back.
moods that take me,
and erase me,
and i'm painted black.
you have suffered enough,
and warred with yourself,
it's time that you won.

take this sinking boat and point it home,
we've still got time.
raise your hopeful voice,
you had a choice,
you've made it now.

take this sinking boat and point it home,
we've still got time.
raise your hopeful voice,
you had a choice,
you've made it now.

falling slowly,
sing your melody,
i'll sing along."

he took one look at my face and said i can fix that hole in you

jennylewis.com

jenny lewis is streaming tracks from her upcoming album, acid tongue (which comes out september 23), on her website. i've been listening to the first song posted, and it is so damn good. i love jenny.

the site also shows some of her u.s. & european tour dates, some of which she is sharing stage with conor oberst, which makes me unspeakably happy.

"and by the rolling river,
is exactly where i was.
there was no snake oil cure for unlucky in love.

to be lonely is a habit,
like smoking or taking drugs,
and i've quit them both,
but man was it rough."

black holes and revelations

"my life,
you electrify my life,
let's conspire to re-ignite,
all the souls that would die just to feel alive."

still lost in the pages of breaking dawn, and wrestling with the urge to race through it so i can talk to a few people about it (who have all already finished it), or to savor it, letting myself linger in the story just a little longer. though i feel lit up and inspired to write myself, and to get out and see more of the world - and to devour more words and feelings and life in the process. it is hard to explain, and as i mentioned before i am not sure i want to explain, just that i feel more alive and more full of love.

i remember hearing this song for the first time, and being mistaken on who the artist was. i was attracted to the song at first, but i never felt the song as much as i do now. i suppose there is the connection to the books, and the stories - and the way the band's songs seem to just capture the emotions and feelings of it all. and maybe it is where my life and feelings are at right now, as well. not just this song, others by muse, but today it is this one specifically.

singing eyes and fingers

song of the siren ~ this mortal coil

"on the floating, shapeless oceans,
i did all my best to smile,
'til your singing eyes and fingers,
drew me loving into your eyes.

and you sang 'sail to me, sail to me;
let me enfold you.'

here i am,
here i am waiting to hold you.
did i dream you dreamed about me?
were you here when i was full sail?

now my foolish boat is leaning,
broken love lost on your rocks.

for you sang,

'touch me not, touch me not, come back tomorrow.'

oh my heart,
oh my heart shies from the sorrow.
i'm as puzzled as a newborn child.
i'm as riddled as the tide.

should i stand amid the breakers?
or shall i lie with death my bride?

hear me sing: 'swim to me, swim to me, let me enfold you.'
'here i am.
here i am,
waiting to hold you.'"

you were in my dream

"i think last night,
you were driving circles around me."

not nearly any sleep at all, and yet when my eyes finally flutter shut, i dream.

my mercury's in retrograde

mercury ~ bloc party

"i'm sitting in soho,
trying to stay drunk."

addictive, dramatic, cinematic, fantastic. i cannot wait until the album is released. have a listen to the new single by bloc party, mercury, debuted on the zane lowe show today.

i love it.

somebody told him he's good for nothing

murray (live, with atlantic city cover) ~ pete yorn

"and we both know,
that people change,
when truth’s not part of their lives;
i’ve seen the love in their eyes,
don’t say goodbye,
goodbye."

the saddest thing i have ever seen is defeated eyes. the most tragic words i have ever heard are "what if". there is nothing left but regret when you give up a dream without ever giving it a chance. if nothing else, i hope i teach my children that. take a deep breath, hold your head high, swallow your fear, and try. and remember, that failing and falling on one's backside does not have to mean you have given up.

i am reminded of ally sheedy's quote from the breakfast club, when she says "when you grow up your heart dies." perhaps i just refuse to completely grow up, or maybe i just refuse to let my heart die. my dreams, they may be fuzzy and full of obstacles, and some days i wake up with so much disillusionment that i feel they will never be, but i try - fucking hell i try - to keep a hold of my heart, my dreams, my wishes, and all those pieces of who that makes me.

new music review: vanilla swingers

take a listen to the vanilla swingers

if you fall

"if you fall for this,
you'll fall for anything."

danger in the past
& a live video

"souvenirs that you can feel,
won't give up what they reveal;
they never will."

the town

"the town was where we met,
but it could all have been so different."

remiscent of a wandering the city streets in the rain, a bit lost, three streets down from where you are meant to be. the pulse of your slightly nervous heart flows and pours out into the vibrations of each passing car, the rain drops drip dripping a back-up beat; everything is music. lost, yet not alone, as the accompanying voice chimes in, takes your hand, lets you share their battered yellow umbrella.

i am not good with comparisons when talking on music. i tend to take anything new in as just that - new. i am not keen on categorization and labels. but, if i had to choose the similar bucket to stream these songs - and their fantastic album vs into - it would be with bands such as belle and sebastian, azure ray, and stephen merritt's magnetic fields.

the album is said to be a story of love and alternate lives. described as a concept affair about two people who meet, run away together, go back in time, lose each other, and meet again in 2015.

as it feels, it is an album of songs to be lost and found within.

hear more here.

polka dots fill my eyes

"what you gonna do katie?
you're a sweet, sweet girl,
but it's a cruel, cruel world,
a cruel, cruel world."

happy birthday, kate. and a very happy first day in the next new year of your life. paint brushes and magic wands, pixie dust and healing potions, and all the hope in the universe i wish to you. i hope this is your best year yet. you can make this year anything you want it to be. i believe in you, always always always.

i love you always.

when i hear beautiful music its always from another time

lime tree ~ bright eyes

"everything gets smaller now the further that i go,
towards the mouth,
and the reunion of the known and the unknown.
consider yourself lucky if you think of it as home,
you can move mountains with your misery if you don't,
if you don't."

there are memories too vulnerable to write. as if they are brittle and yellowing photographs, the ones shoved in the back of a box, or folded carefully in the pages of a near forgotten book. it was once your favorite, the pages worn and finger-printed. flower petals are stuck in the early chapters, the ones where you were just getting to know all of it - the plot, the characters, the hopes. the end comes eventually, and that bittersweet feeling that follows. never minded if it was a happily ever, or a tearful goodbye, just knew i'd miss all that i'd just loved.

you close the book, put it up on the shelf, and long for someone to talk with about it. but, you find no one. for the best, in reality, as no one takes a story, or a song, into them in the same way. just like memories - our varied perceptions shade and color in the blurs and the greys. we all remember everything differently, even love, and especially loss. and sometimes it is a song that rips the ticker-tape off the skin, stirs the heart, makes it all hurt again. and sometimes it is just the pages spilling open, without provocation, or permission. the daisy petals dissolve in my hand, and i take a sad gasp of breath.

sometimes sadness is all you have left to remember these things by. but, it is feeling, isn't it?

i can't promise that i'll grow those wings, or keep this tarnished halo shined

"i search all the time on the ground
for our shadows
cast side by side
just to remind me that i haven't gone crazy
that you exist
and are mine
and i know that your skin is as warm
and as real
as that smile in your eyes
but i have to keep touching
and smelling
and tasting
for fear it's all lies

i can't promise that i'll grow those wings
or keep this tarnished halo shined
but i'll never betray your trust
angel mine."

cheers darlin'

all dressed up ~ damien rice

"prepare myself for a war
and i don't know what i'm doing this for
trying to let it all go
but how can i when you still don't know?

i could wait for you
like that hole in your boot
waiting to be fixed

i could wait for you
what good would that do
but to leave me bruised?"

this is one of those soaring, soul-swelling, tears go pouring out of you kind of songs. heavy on the dramatic, weighted in emotion, and the kind of thing that feels like the sweetest kind of knife in your gut.

i cannot stop listening to it, i just cannot stop.

julia and i talked on this sort of thing recently. playing each other some of our favorites, the kind of songs that give you chills everywhere. she has a love for the dramatic lift and swell in a song, and i the lover of lyrical refrain, the kind that feel so personal, even if you know nothing of the person singing, or the story within.

despite the connection, the songs connects, and becomes a part of you. this is today's, for me.

do not make a sound

"and when the darkness comes,
i lie awake,
playing lost and found.
all at once,
i break the silence,
all at once."

pete yorn, one of those musicians that i sometimes forget about, and then a song comes on and i remember how much i love their music. i was living in michigan when i first heard him. i devoured his first album, falling for each and every song. i remember playing online pool with victoria, jamie and chelle, and talking about pete yorn. chelle and i kept listing the same favorite songs. after that he became one of our favorites, one of those shared connections you have with friends. music is a cord, winding and invisible, connecting the people i love, and have loved, in my life. and, i cherish the memories that songs stir up in me, and the way i see/feel/hear people in songs.

yearns for a sleep that will never come

lover you should've come over (live) ~ jeff buckley

"looking out the door i see the rain fall upon the funeral mourners
parading in a wake of sad relations as their shoes fill up with water
and maybe i'm too young
to keep good love from going wrong
but tonight you're on my mind so
(you'll never know)

i'm broken down and hungry for your love with no way to feed it
where are you tonight? child, you know how much i need it.
too young to hold on and too old to just break free and run

sometimes a man gets carried away,
when he feels like he should be having his fun
and much too blind to see the damage he's done
sometimes a man must awake to find that, really,
he has no-one...

so i'll wait for you...
and i'll burn oh
will i ever see your sweet return,
oh, will i ever learn
lover, you should've come over
'cause it's not too late.

lonely is the room the bed is made
the open window lets the rain in
burning in the corner is the only one who dreams he had you with him
my body turns
and yearns for a sleep that will never come

it's never over,
my kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder
it's never over,
all my riches for her smiles when i slept so soft against her...
it's never over,
all my blood for the sweetness of her laughter
it's never over,
she is the tear that hangs inside my soul forever

maybe I'm just too young
to keep good love from going wrong
oh... lover you should've come over...
'cause it's not too late...

i feel too young to hold on
i'm much too old to break free and run
too deaf, dumb, and blind
to see the damage i've done
sweet lover, you should've come over
oh, love i waited for you
lover, you should've come over
'cause it's not too late"

it was eleven years ago this month that the world lost jeff buckley. it seems near unbelievable, the ever-turning and spinning passage of time. i remember the first time i heard grace, and this song in particular. i was working at tower, surrounded by music every moment of every day (not that that has changed much), alongside of people who became a temporary family-of-sorts to me. shelley and alan were talking about the album, both raving about it in their own unique ways, and bantering on about which song they loved, and how much jeff just bled emotion into every moment of the entire album. i had never heard these two agree on anything, least of all a musician.

this i had to hear.

the album, and this song, would come to mean different things to me at various turns and times of my life. it reminds me of those days stocking cd shelves and talking intensely about music, while earning barely above minimum wage. i lived back home then, me and jules, who was just starting pre-school. i was younger in those days, younger than i was ever before, or again.

it brings to mind the weeks i spent in las vegas. one night in particular, up all night with a conversation that veered and swayed, and went so deep that you'd have sworn we'd known each other since childhood, or before. it was the first time i had ever been scared as fuck when faced with the possibility of love, of soul-connecting, of something real. it still taps me on the shoulder and asks "tell me again why you ran like hell from it?"

a more recent memory, reading a 33 1/3 book on the album while riding on the red line train, in chicago. the city and the neighborhoods swooshing by just outside the window. i thought i'd still be there, carving out a new life, and yet running still. the cold air, the itchy feel of a scarf wound too tight, and too close to my skin, and the feeling of being so lost that i wanted someone else to find me, for me.

and tonight, with my ears stuffed with tiny speakers, the music turned on a bit too loud (always), and hitting repeat. it reminds me of tiffanie's grace and trixie, of the ocean, of lost hope, and of the sense of innocence i once had. it also brings to light the way i feel music, the way i take it in, and how grateful i am that it gifts me feeling. within that sense of feeling, and within the music, perhaps i see the bliss in life, the good things i have, and the hope in that. i hang on to it in times like these, as i struggle with sadness - to remember, to feel, to sing, and to hope.

thank you for the music, jeff.

i'm one of the million pieces fallen on the ground

come around ~ counting crows

"have you seen the little pieces of the people we have been?
little pieces blowing gently on the wind.
they have flown down california,
they have landed in l.a.
little pieces slowly settling on the waves.

i'm one of a million pieces fallen on the ground,
it's one of the reasons when we say goodbye,
we'll still come around,
we will come around.

i have waited for tomorrow from december 'til today,
and i have started loving sorrow along the way.
i am calling from some city,
and i won't be there too long.
i could wait,
and i could waste away,
but what comes back is i hear you say we're gone.

for all the times that i go spinning up and down,
when all of the things have died between us,
well, we'll still come around,
we will come around.

after i've been missing for a while,
and you hear that summer's song.
haven't all the fading lines lingered on?

what i know is: she's going.
when you know it, it's alright.
so you put yourself between you and your pride.

if you wait for what's coming,
and you listen to her lies,
then she'll say the things you need to hear,
and the only one who'll disappear,
is you.

and one of the million lies she said,
is "all of the things you love are dead".
but i've seen what she thinks is love,
and it leaves me laughing.

so, we'll still come around."

then my mind went dark

"you write such pretty words,
but life's no storybook.
love's an excuse to get hurt.
and to hurt.
do you like to hurt?
i do, i do.
then hurt me,
then hurt me,
then hurt me..."

feeling rather prickly tonight, emotions still too raw for normal reactions to take place. i keep trying to re-trace my steps from when i felt this low, and what paths i took to get myself back up. its been years and years, and i remember that it was a lot of false starts and stops before i ever could stand steady and feel alright. i wish it was all something a few pretty words could fix, but it just isn't.

we see things they never see: a sunday evening in june mix

we see things they never see: a sunday evening in june mix

june evenings ~ air france
they ~ jem
chasing cars (acoustic) ~ snow patrol
ever fallen in love ~ the buzzcocks
in transit ~ albert hammond, jr.
to be free ~ emiliana torrini
hell = other people ~ bettie serveert
june on the west coast ~ bright eyes
leave (alternate version) ~ r.e.m.
everybody knows ~ concrete blonde
satisfaction ~ cat power
live forever ~ oasis
the rip ~ portishead
fake plastic trees ~ radiohead
atmosphere ~ joy division
maybe someday ~ the cure
love will tear us apart ~ honeyroot

zipped

i know you're sad, but it won't last

thank you, bree. i'm not so good right now, though each day i think i'm finding my way back to remembering who i am, what i want, and how to start again.

say you don't want it again and again

"she's addicted to nicotine patches,
she's addicted to nicotine patches,
she's afraid of the light in the dark,
6:58 are you sure where my spark is?

here,
here,
here.

she's convinced she could hold back a glacier,
but she couldn't keep baby alive,
doubting that there's a woman in there somewhere,
here.

you say you don't want it again,
and again,
but you don't really mean it.
you say you don't want it,
this circus we're in,
but you don't,
you don't really mean it.
you don't really mean it.

if the divine master plan is perfection,
maybe next i'll give judas a try,
trusting my soul to the ice cream assassin,
here.

you say you don't want it again,
and again,
but you don't really mean it.
you say you don't want it,
this circus we're in,
but you don't,
don't really mean it.

how many fates turn around in the overtime,
ballerinas that have fins that you'll never find.
you thought that you were the bomb,
yeah,
well so did i.

say you don't want it,
say you don't want it,
say you don't want it again,
and again.
but you don't really mean it.

say you don't want it,
this circus we're in,
but you don't,
you don't really mean it.
you don't really mean it.

she's addicted to nicotine patches,
she's afraid of the light in the dark,
6:58 are you sure where my spark is,
here."

ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh

umbrella (rhianna cover) ~ manic street preachers

"you have my heart,
and we'll never be worlds apart.
may be in magazines,
but you'll still be my star.

baby, cause in the dark,
you can't see shiny cars,
ant that's when you need me there,
with you i'll always share.

when the sun shines,
we'll shine together.
told you i'll be here forever.
said i'll always be your friend,
took an oath,
i'll stick it out 'till the end.

now that it's raining more than ever,
know that we'll still have each other.
you can stand under my umbrella,
you can stand umder my umbrella."

day just slips by and my emotions are sinking, though i am trying to pull myself up by invisible strings and songs played up high. stumbled upon this cover and find it rather addictive. perhaps if i keep playing it, louder and louder, i'll feel better (or my ears will ring so much i will not care about anything else).