go now go

"sometimes it seems like we're all living in some kind of prison. and the crime is how much we hate ourselves. it's good to get really dressed up once in a while. and admit the truth: that when you really look closely? people are so strange and so complicated that they're actually... beautiful. possibly even me."

this show pretty much changed my life, and the people who inhabit it. i am forever grateful to that one season drama that graced my television screen and ended up becoming a catalyst for a group of friends that turned out to be a family to me, even if we are scattered all across the globe. even watching it now, this show is timeless to me, and is still the most honest portrayal of growing up (even if you are one of the grown-ups) that i have ever seen.

365 loves: my so-called life

the night is young and so am i

raised on mtv: part four:

the safety dance, from the album rhythm of youth, was the first and biggest-selling single by the 1980s synth pop group men without hats. the song was written by ivan doroschuk. released in the u.s. in 1982 and in the u.k. in 1983, and it peaked at number three on the billboard hot 100. in the u.k. the song also proved successful, reaching number six. i remember that the video was one that was on constant rotation, not only on mtv, but on local video shows, like video one and mv3; the song also danced around the radio stations, crossing over from the heavy pop stations, to the more "alternative" ones (even though that word had another almost ten years to become a real musical adjective).

this was the time which marked my first experiences in high school, and my moments of becoming enchanted with dances and fashion (i was already obsessed with music). the safety dance was addictively catchy, and near impossible to not dance to.

the video, well it was silly, really; though i never think it was meant to be taken too seriously. i can remember during a pep rally the dance team did a number to this song, and each side of the bleachers started doing a round-robin style safety dance: hands in the shape of an "s", heads tilted to the side. it was almost cinematic in its everyone knows the same dance sort of way, except it was realistic, because back in 1983 everyone did know that dance.

exactly what the title of the song refers to has been debated. some claim the song encourages safe sex, while others claim that it encourages people to take care and be careful while slam dancing, and others still claim the song is about the fear of leaving familiar and well known surroundings for something new.

for me back then, a fifteen year old girl struggling for my place in the realm of adolescence, it felt like a celebration of freedom, of uniqueness, or being yourself.

and, of course, it was a song about dancing.

"we can dance if we want to,
we can leave your friends behind,
cause your friends don't dance and if they don't dance,
well they're no friends of mine."

are you safe? are you my friend?

"healthy dependence,
and healthy independence,
and healthy assurances;
this loves a nameless dream."

history lesson:
bluebeard comes from a time when cocteau twins' return to london, and a time that marked the band's two-year journey of personal and professional upheavals and attempts at renewal. the album this song comes from, four-calendar café, is a documentation of this very pivotal period in the band's extensive history. the two most notable events that the album marks is the band's exit from 4ad records, and their personal trials and tribulations involving robin guthrie's drug addiction.

robin guthrie told raygun, in 1996, that "the strange thing is was that it was the upbeat songs like 'bluebeard' that were written when i was bombed. the darker shit came out when i was sober. looking back, all the songs on all our albums were written in a state of disarray. it wasnt just the drugs. i mean, my life was in a complete shambles at least a year after i quit drugs. you don't get well overnight. i've got no regrets about the past. in fact, ive got a lot of admiration for the work i did when i was off my nut."

elizabeth fraser says, of the album, that "songs like 'bluebeard' and 'theft, and wandering around lost' clearly deal with demons related to love and sex."

'bluebeard' was released in early 1994, backed with two songs plus an acoustic version of the title track, and a video was also produced. in addition, the band made their first us television appearances with robin guthrie making a very awkwar, if not antagonistic, visit with mtv's '120 minutes' (it was clear that the host had not prepared, and equally clear that robin was not interested in meaningless chatter). the whole band—including additional guitarists and drummers—appeared live on 'the tonight show', performing 'bluebeard', a performance which gave viewers an idea of what to expect from the live performances to come. a

personal reflection:
the first time i heard elizabeth's unique voice was in the early 80's while lying on the floor of a friend's bedroom flipping through pages of star hits. i remember that it made me pause my latest search for duran duran pin-ups and ask "who is this?"; from that point i was hooked on the cocteau twins, and fascinated by elizabeth's ethereal voice. in 1992 my beautiful daughter julia was born, one of her middle names chosen after elizabeth, a favourite singer of both her father's and mine. i saw the cocteau twins play live around the time of the album this song is off of, four-calendar cafe.

i remember sitting towards the back of the wiltern theatre feeling the music swirl around jill and i, as we held hands and held our breath; we were both swept up in the sound. this song reminds me of jill's small hands, and the way she always smelled of cloves and peppermint candies. music soothed a lot of sting between us, in those moments where we let ourselves just get swept up in melody, and just be okay.

the 90's

she sends her regards

"yes, and thanks, for the trouble you took from her eyes;
i thought it was there for good, so i never tried."

i am not quite sure what it is about this song that gets to me in such a deep way, but i do know that it has become something beyond a song, beyond music or lyrics, beyond a story, to me. it is part of that soundtrack to life that we all build, a canon of music that describes us better than any conversation we can ever have, or any confessional journal entry will ever pen.

i truly believe that i will love this song forever.

365 loves: famous blue raincoat

oh, there’ll be love, love, love

"oh well i look at you and say
it’s the happiest that i’ve ever been
and i’ll say i no longer feel i have to be james dean
and she’ll say
yah well i feel all pretty happy too
and i’m always pretty happy when i’m just kicking back with you."

a new discovery of mine that i am loving. this song just feels happy, and seems to demand a sing-a-long and a smile. this song reminds me that i need to remember to dance around for no other reason but to dance, to take the time to breathe, and to laugh.

all of us are so beautiful when we are laughing, really, you should see yourself when you laugh.

five years time

since i'm asking so nice would you just entertain

"give it up for me please,
put your hands in the air;
if you know what's good for you,
you wanna shake it like you just don't care."

polite dance song ~ the bird & the bee

& the video

julia's song of the week

the big a mix

another angry angel anecdote: the double-a mix

mix created & contribued by dale

angry candy ~ autolux
another step away ~ a place to bury strangers
a fading smile ~ alcian blue
a to fade in ~ adorable
a love from outer space ~ a.r. kane
apollo nine ~ adam ant
and you tell me ~ a-ha
another perfect day ~ american hi-fi
anecdote ~ ambulance ltd.
across the ocean ~ azure ray
avril ~ aphex twin
antichrist television blues ~ arcade fire
a star is born ~ amusement parks on fire
another morning stoner ~ and you will know us by the trail of the dead
aint talking about dub ~ apollo 440
all night lazy ~ add n to x
animal ~ against me!
angel interceptor ~ ash
a certain romance ~ arctic monkeys

dale's a mix ~ zipped

fly on little wing

"well shes walking through the clouds
with a circus mind thats running round
butterflies and zebras
and moonbeams and fairy tales
thats all she ever thinks about
riding with the wind."

my oldest turns sixteen in a few days, and my nephew turns fifteen today. i remember those ages so clearly, and the possibilities that could exist when you chose the way to look at things, and people fit for the kind of magic you could make walking along side of you. i wish for them to see those fairy tales and moonbeams that their dreams are made of, and make them their own, always. this is for jules and drew.

little wing ~ jimi hendrix

she sounds sad

"open your eyes." ~ claude

co-written by two sisters, alex and sylvia sitchel, all over me is a coming-of-age and coming out story. alex was received a grant from the princess grace foundation to make a film about the riot grrrl music scene. the soundtrack included a wide array of female musicians, such as ani difranco, babes in toyland, sleater-kinney, the amps, drugstore and the murmurs. the film also featured leisha hailey, co-singer from the murmurs, as claude's love interest.

for me, the film transcended both the coming-of-age and lesbian-film genres, and was more a film about self-esteem, dysfunctional friendships, love, and the struggle we all go through (not just in adolescence) to find ourselves, and accept what we find.

the clip i wanted to share is not able to share, but if you get a chance check it out: here.

all over me

we're all searching

"we're all searching for something to fill up what i like to call that big, god-shaped hole in our souls. some people use alcohol, or sex, or their children, or food, or money, or music, or heroin. a lot of people even use the concept of god itself. i could go on and on. i used to know a girl who used shoes. she had over two-hundred pairs. but it's all the same thing, really. people, for some stupid reason, think they can escape their sorrows." ~ jacob grace

if i could get everyone i know to read just one book this one would be it. beatrice jordan is the most relatable character i have ever encountered, and her relationship with jacob grace, along with her perspectives on life, love, music and los angeles are so akin to my version of life, and the way i see things, that sometimes i cannot believe it. i just get this book, and this book just gets me.

and the author, tiffanie debartolo, is pretty keen herself. she is in love with music, and incorporates her favorites, and her music-soaked vision, into every page.

the last person i passed this book on (my fifth or sixth copy, i think, i keep losing them to people i want to read it) called me the very next morning after slid it into her purse. she said "you may well have saved my life with this book."

365 loves: god-shaped hole by tiffanie debartolo