a glimpse back into a nineteen year old self

(lyrics)
i live on a chain
and you share the same last name, as a joke,
i sent a bottle of whiskey, as you choked,
you said it made you feel dirty.

and i was waiting over here for life to begin,
i was looking for the new thing,
and you were the sunshine heading my front-line,
i was alone,
you were just around the corner from me.

time alone is good, i spend my days in the city,
dirty neighborhood, you know you'll never convince me,
so i sold the town away,
i couldn't wait to forget you,
i was killed in half a day, i hadn't time to regret you.

and i was waiting over here for life to begin,
i was looking for the new thing
and you were the sunshine heading my front line,
i was alone you were just around the corner from me.

i, i'm still on the chain,
and you, had the same last name,
as a joke i sent a bottle of whiskey
as you choked you said it made you feel dirty...

waiting over here, for life to begin,
still looking for the new thing,
and you were the sunshine heading my front-line,
i was alone, you were just around the corner from me

***

you crept back in when i'd just about forgotten. i think that was part of you style. your pitch. i didn't try so hard this time. let myself be just that. myself. and it lit something in you. my lack of effort. you buzzed around me. lighting matches. opening bottles. wrapping gauze and paper wings around me. we lay in the back of your car. the windows fogged. barely able to make out the screen. the muted voices. the soundtrack. and i gave you something new to me. a one time shot. a milestone. you were careful with me, yes.

floated. my mind drifting. i found it so hard to stay within my skin. but it wasn't a mistake, that night. i know you were overwhelmed when i told you. you felt a temporary burden of responsibility. like you owed me something. you didn't. you were just what i needed then. but, we moved passed the awkward pauses. and, though i sometimes said you broke my heart -- that would be a lie. you left your act behind, that night. your words opened up. upfront. you treated me with something rare to you. above all, i was your friend.