i never saw your innocence

(lyrics)
i withhold your medicine
but you've still got a connection
they remember everything
in the sky, oblivion

i never knew your innocence
your white skin glistens
you pried my eyes open
i've lost my ambition

i say it's me or drugs
you choose drugs
i say it's me or drugs
you choose drugs

i say it's me or drugs
you choose drugs
i say it's me or drugs
you choose drugs

drugs, drugs.

***

you were the same boy in the green sweater, and me, i was the same girl hiding behind her books and baggy clothing. our eyes gave away our pasts, but we never let on who we'd once been. we were too busy recreating ourselves, painting over our damaged canvases. the paint was cracked. yours, more than mine, at the time. i never realized how much pain you were trying to lose. you emptied needle after needle into your veins, clouding you, caressing you with denial. and we all let it happen, didn't we? we let you slip. i just closed my eyes, and sang my own song.

thoughts: i still remember how he smelled. the gold fleck in his brown eyes, the sound of his laugh, the feel of riding in his red jeep, shotgun, next to him. i can almost feel the way the sunlight shadowed the walls in his room in the early morning. i wish i'd known more of what he was, what he went through. i wish i'd known a way to save him. i miss him, that faded green sweater, and all.