Wednesday, August 27, 2008

i know i'm not forgiven

video

this night ~ black lab

this song sounds like the way the middle of the night feels, when you are sleepless, weighted down with some kind of sorrow. there is that moment, within the context of grief, when you realize that something is over; but you are still here, you are the one left standing (or staggering). sometimes in that middle of the night desperation we play tricks on our mind, and our heart, to get through it.

sometimes it is a scrolling list, just inside our half-closed eyelids, that reminds us of what we did wrong, and what we did right. we convince ourselves that we did our best, that we were brave to try at all. and, of course, we see the tell-tale slashes of where we think we failed.

all those conversations we play in our heads, the things we should have said. i know i'm always so much clever hours later, when i replay scenarios - it is there that i am witty, unforgettable, and wise.

also, this part of the song, something about it recalls sinatra's infamous my way. and, when i press repeat, and listen again, i also hear sid vicious' cover, and the way i kept playing that version over and over when i was nineteen.

at first listen i also thought this song feels so cinematic, so dramatic, so made to be part of a film's soundtrack. though, looking through youtube it seems it was used for promotional spots for a season of the shield.

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