i know it must be killing time

keep art alive ~ art by vania zouravliov

i haven't been writing much here since i'm underwater and fighting the current of nanowrimo right now, though i'm almost to the halfway mark, word count wise, which means i am ahead for a change. i think my past failures to finish this has taught me many things, and by keeping those hard lessons in mind i have freed up my typical creative obstacles that i sometimes think are more based in fear, then anything else.

i suppose i can turn that insight on myself, and the rest of my life, as well. when i sit and really think on it i've made so many mistakes along the way, and there are times when it freezes me, floods me, makes me feel like hiding under the blankets and never be seen again. recently i had a close friend end our friendship because she had grown impatient at my progress in my life, and was tired of standing by and watching me make the same mistakes over and again. it hurt, and i think i took it far more personally then i should have, but again, i am still learning.

the only timeline that honestly matters is the one that occurs. i can no more rush my own healing and growth then i can rush love, inspirations or the future. we all work at our own pace, we all have different bottoms to hit, we all have our thresholds for pain and suffering; and, we all have our own versions of bliss.

i wish i could sew happiness into a giant quilt, like those ones you see the sewing circles making, everyone adding their own patch of it. actually, maybe that is what i would wish even more; that everyone i know would bring in their own fives squares and add it to the bliss blanket. in the end it would be such a beautiful thing, full of flaws and inconsistancies, of course; dropped stitches here and there, some repeated patterns, but it would be different than anything ever seen before. then, when any of us have a bad day we can borrow it, wrap ourselves up in it, stay there until we can breathe again. some days there would be a few of us under there together, clinging and leaning a little on each other, and maybe sometimes we'd all meet under it just to check-in; just to be there together.

today my five would be:

my kids laughter

connecting music and visual art

music that makes me want to dance

fangirl crushes

coffee

what would you add?

abba & the bunnymen ~ go home productions