wandering between the girl you search for and the one you leave

"would you like the chance to shatter heaven?
would you like to be the one who pulls the sky down just for me?
round and round and round we run, and pretend the sun is all you need

i’ve never known a moment to be frozen
you’re making deals with minutes that will slip away, just slip away
so starve the garden stop the rain-
winter settles on my petals anyways…anyways

is your armor thin again
do i want to wear it down?
am i worthy to come in?
do you want to be found?

nothing into something into nothing
every rule you break means there’s no turning back, no looking back.
the words that i could never say -
the clutter that is in your way is nothing new..nothing new

is your armor thin again?
do i want to wear it down?
am i worthy to come in?
do you want to be found?
is your armor thin again?
do i want to wear it down?
am i worthy to come in?
do you want to be found…

wandering between the girl you search for and the one you leave
and i cannot wait..
chasing you around the room is tempting
so near and far away from meaning anything to you-

but just remember if you’re jumping, i would start my jump off
running after you.."

i play the music loud enough to block out all feeling, nothing new, i learned long ago how to go this numb. pages flip by as i find those child-remembered ways of losing myself inside a book. david copperfield, and i slip into pasts and fictions, disappearing. i need to face up to what i'm losing, and i need to take a good hard look at how my insides seem to be crumbling. my armor is back, but it is so fucking thin, near translucent. a slight sneeze will tear it down.

so all that this all leads to is spinning, to throwing my hands in the air, to jumping into nothing and everything, to somehow sorting out how to feel better again.