there's no simple explanation

"watch the band
through a bunch of dancers
quickly, follow the unknown
with something
more familiar
quickly
something familiar

courage,
my word,
didn't come, it doesn't matter

sleepwalk
so fast asleep in a motel
has the lay of home
and piss on
all of your background
and piss on
all your surroundings

courage
my word
didn't come, it doesn't matter
courage
your word
didn't come, it doesn't matter
oh courage
my word
didn't come, it doesn't matter
courage
it couldn't come at a worse time

so, there's no simple explanation
for anything important
any of us do

and yeah
the human tragedy
consists in
the necessity of living with
the consequences
under pressure
under pressure

courage
my word
didn't come, it doesn't matter
courage
your word
didn't come, it doesn't matter
oh courage
my word
didn't come, it doesn't matter
courage
it couldn't come at a worse time"

random video landed in my inbox and brought tears. suppose i never thought of what the future would lead to for a robin and a marian. a favorite story of mine as a child, quite possibly my most favorite (that and hans christian anderson's the little matchgirl).

it is interesting how as a child you do not question beyond happy ever after's and true love. you expet the heroes to win, even if they are anti-heroes as robin hood is/was. you find yourself believing even when you carry the insecurity/self-deprecating spirit that this society seems to encourage.

i think i need to let go of some of my childhood, even though i thought i'd thrown off and gotten over so damn much of it. and, i think i need to sort out how to be my own hero/anti-hero(ine). with loss there are new doors to discover. when i can pull myself up and out of this sadness i hope to throw them all open.