the way they fall

strength through music ~ amanda palmer

"he picked a soundtrack,
and packed his bag.
he hung his walkman,
around his neck.
tick tick tick tick tick."

it took a few listens for this song to completely sink in, for it to seap below my surfaces and course enough through my veins to bring chills to my skin. there is something to soothing in amanda palmer's voice that initially i was too distracted by the sound to realize the content, and perhaps that is part of it, part of the inner lining of this song.

to build a soundtrack to fill your ears while you do something so hugely impactful and life-changing as taking lives, a background sound to cover the reality of sound, that in itself is so deeply chilling. such an escape, and such a release, all at once.

how often do we do this ourselves? not a mass taking of lives (i'd hope), but a barrier of something that shields us from the full impact of reality. perhaps it is the web of music wrapping around us, or maybe it is some kind of physical need satisfied (thirst, hunger, addiction), it could even be the illusion of words and language themselves; i know i've hidden parts of my self in the masquerade of storytelling.

the song is disturbing when you peel back the layers and look deeper, as i suppose we all can be. but it makes me think, analyze, dig up the dirt with my bare hands - finger nails dirty just under the edge - and wonder at things. in everything that happens, be it the beautiful or horrific, we are affected.